Advice of My Father

My father has always been willing to throw in his two cents when the occasion called for it. In my younger years it was more of a ninety mile per hour fastball, but as he and I have aged, it has changed to more of nice slow pitch softball lob. It is interesting how time and distance can change the relationship we have with our parents.

Chuck told me to get the degree, it won't matter what it is in just get the degree. So I did. I didn't have a clue what I would do with an English degree (thank you Krista for stepping in and showing me teaching), but I followed his advice. When I had my truck stolen he told me to do something smart with the money. So I didn't. I bought a VCR and a stereo. I don't have either of them anymore.

When it came to getting married he didn't have to say too much. I had watched over the years how he and mom had interacted and had a pretty good idea of what was needed to make things work for the long haul (my parents have been together for 50+ years). I did wonder how the two of them put up with each other on certain occasions, but I knew that if I followed the example that was in front of me, work hard, say thanks and I love you, and be thankful for what you got, that I was going to be okay. It has been this and a lot of other things that have made my marriage (16 years not 17 as reported in a previous post), has done well so far.

When it came to kids he was no help at all. He had six. Mom was in charge of us as kids (until we reached right around 12) and dad was working to feed us all. He could balance everything you could imagine but it was not like he was rushing to be part of every grand kid that came along. He wasn't going to change a lot of diapers or feed a lot of babies, wasn't his thing. We didn't make a formal "we're trying to have a baby" (aren't you always?) so when we found about Cal, he offered his congratulations and was happy for us. It was genuine, it was meaningful, but there was no real advice attached to it. It was another pretty simple recipe, work hard, play and say thanks, and be thankful for the love you have for them and vice-versa.

Recently Chuck had some advice for me. He told me to make sure that you go and do the things that really matter in your life. If you want to go so place, go some place. If you want to experience something, experience it. If you want to have something, have it. It wasn't about planning a future. It wasn't about how to manage your money. It was about living. It was the most direct advice I think he has ever given to me. Go out and live my boy, go out and live.

As your parents age they do start to turn to their children for advice. For my parents that means 6 kids and 6 spouses. What a headache it must be. I know that they value our opinions and our help because they thank us and say they love us. I've offered some advice to them, just like all of the others have as well, and I hope that it is something that is as important to them as the idea of go out and live my boy, go out and live.