Good Days Indeed

I have absolutely enjoyed my time at work to begin this school year. I can't believe I'm saying that. I can't think of many years where I would have said that in the recent past. I'm sure that there have been times at school that I have enjoyed more than others, but the sheer fact is that I have enjoyed the time I have been at work so far this school year.

Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have not gone to work at all. I miss my time reading and working on the house, its just the mere fact that I have not come home in a snit, or gone to work in a snit, that has made this an exceptional start to the year. I guess this is the true meaning of the grass is always greener on the other side scenario.

I have an anxiety problem. I don't think I've said that here before. It has always been a part of my life, and it has manifested itself in various ways over the years. I have always worried about "things" (in fact it was about everything), and this last year, when I changed jobs, it all came to a head. When I was in my last month as an Assistant Principal, I knew that there was something way worse than just being involved with my work. I was consumed by the thought of failure, the throes of depression and the physical fallout was taking its toll. I was sick to my stomach, exhausted and tense from my shoulders to my rear end.

I was lucky that I knew what was causing the pain. I was lucky that I had the chance to leave. I was lucky that I was able to go to the doctor and get treatment. I am medicated, everyday, in order to deal with the anxiety that I face. I can't imagine what would happen if I was not. I can't imagine a time in my life when I felt this good. It isn't a dull wiped over feeling it is one where I can see and think rationally about the situation and not let it consume me. It allowed me to start this blog, it allowed me to try new things, it allowed me to become a better person.

I knew when I went back to the classroom that I would have some things to change. I'm not as palsy with students anymore. I demand a lot from them (I work with some of the lowest level kids on our campus), and I am willing to experiment and try new things with how I deliver content. I'm not afraid to speak my mind and I'm not afraid to go off and do my own thing. Those things were always concerns but they aren't now. I cannot explain how good that feels.

I did something today that I do not normally do, I told a couple of administrators to come and check out what the kids were doing in class. They always ask but no one ever takes them up on it. It dawned on me that they would probably like the chance to see something that might really help them and their day. I would have never done that in the past. When I say past I mean January. I've been able to experience life the way I imagine others do for most of theirs. I've always been relaxed (at least that was the facade) but now I truly know the meaning of a life where the real things to worry about don't overwhelm you and where the things you worry about don't bring you to a screeching halt.

I am hoping to take this wave and ride it into shore.