Gift Giving

We have a friend who is getting married soon. She has told her husband many times exactly what she would like as a wedding gift (they are exchanging gifts) and yet she continues to have trouble getting through to him. He has insisted on giving her things that are very practical, things she can use, as opposed to what she has asked for. I learned a long time ago that a gift is something wanted, not needed, and that in many cases the best gifts come with no date attached.

When my wife went to the wedding shower recently she brought a gift that was not on the registry. She got something uncommon, something that would help them remember the day, something that was a gift. We are doing the same with the wedding as well, something that you know that the person wants but does not need.

Now not all gift giving goes this way. Sometimes you give people what they need because they need it to survive. When I donate to Goodwill or another charity, I think of the fact that someone will be able to get something they need as well as the fact that the charity is able to benefit by helping those within its mission. I'm working on a project at my school to open up a closet for our kids for job interviews and dances. Something that will allow them the chance to dress for success with pride and dignity and not have the any strings attached.

My wife is having a "significant" birthday soon. She has told me what she wants and I am probably going to follow through on it. At least I think I am. I mean what if I don't. I know she will not get something she needs, she needs nothing, we make sure that we take care of everyone in the family to the best of our ability. I just wonder if it was something that I had to take care of on my own, something that she just said, "go and get me something, surprise me," just what would I surprise her with? I do have to write in code, she reads this.

I think that gift giving has become a bit of a lost art. Most people will make it part of their grocery shopping, stopping and picking up a gift card to merchant X, because they can't figure out what would be a good gift for that person. I'd rather have the cash. That is what the kids do now for many of the birthday gifts. Cold hard cash. Figure out what to do with it. Makes the kids have to think about how they will handle it. Watch the Seinfeld where they give Elaine cash instead of presents and you'll get a much better understanding of why gift giving matters.

My family, the wife and kids, are hard to shop for. We simply do not need much. We are getting to the point where we want big ticket items because the smaller ones don't seem to fit the bill anymore. I can't imagine shopping for me, I'm a huge pain. I do not want anything other than the happiness of the people around me. My wife got me a membership to the local public radio station this year. It was great, it cleared my guilt, it made me feel the contribution. But what about her? What about the kids? I'm hoping that we have reached the apex of our consumerism for awhile. I'm hoping that the thing that everyone wants is a trip somewhere, an experience somewhere, a long term investment, saving for a first car, or college.

So when October 11th rolls around I'll try to remember to let you know how it all goes. We will see if she got what she wanted or if she got something else. I know for sure that she will not get anything that she needs.