Wake Me Up When September Ends

For teachers this has a certain ring to it. I can't believe that we are already into the 5th week of school (at least where I'm at). It is both amazing and depressing. Amazing that we have hit 5 weeks so fast, depressing because the Veteran's day holiday is still 5 weeks away. It is simply one of those things that comes with each school year.

I didn't know just how much different this school year would be from those in the past. I knew that if I ever returned to the classroom that I would ditch 99% of the things I had done in the past. I relied too much on my personality and not enough on simply planning and executing good lessons. When I came back to the classroom it was like I unlearned years of bad habits, but I had all types of experience to go with it. I haven't had that day where I just wanted to mail it in. I have been able to shift and change on the fly, but I have not had to. Quite simply, I'm better at what I do.

I spend more time on what I do know to make my classroom a better place. In some cases that has meant innovation (I have a blog for my students), in some cases that has meant going back to basics (the textbook isn't such a bad thing), and in some cases it has simply meant doing the job of getting the kids through the curriculum. By this time of the year I am usually out of gas and ready for June. This is year different. This year it all seems about right. Can't put a finger on it, just seems like it is different.

I was actually very disappointed in myself today. I had a major technology breakdown at school and ended up wasting 20+ minutes of my kids time. It really was something I couldn't stand. I must of apologized ten times. I through my hands up and moved on. I know in the past I would have tossed in the towel and never done anything to make it even close to a real lesson. Today I knew there was something in reserve, I knew it was there for me just in case. I get to do the other teaching as we move through the rest of the unit. Today's gaff didn't scuttle the ship, it was just a case of operator error.

This year has really been the first year where I know that my focus has been totally on what I do in the classroom, the things I do with my kids and not what the total school may be going through. It is a great change. It is something that I do not know if I knew about it before. Teaching is a tough job, incredibly rewarding but very demanding when it is done correctly. I've always known that but don't know if I always showed that.

I've got two days of September to go. 1/10 of the way to another summer off. 9/10 of a year to keep getting better at something that I knew I needed to come back to.

Gift Giving

We have a friend who is getting married soon. She has told her husband many times exactly what she would like as a wedding gift (they are exchanging gifts) and yet she continues to have trouble getting through to him. He has insisted on giving her things that are very practical, things she can use, as opposed to what she has asked for. I learned a long time ago that a gift is something wanted, not needed, and that in many cases the best gifts come with no date attached.

When my wife went to the wedding shower recently she brought a gift that was not on the registry. She got something uncommon, something that would help them remember the day, something that was a gift. We are doing the same with the wedding as well, something that you know that the person wants but does not need.

Now not all gift giving goes this way. Sometimes you give people what they need because they need it to survive. When I donate to Goodwill or another charity, I think of the fact that someone will be able to get something they need as well as the fact that the charity is able to benefit by helping those within its mission. I'm working on a project at my school to open up a closet for our kids for job interviews and dances. Something that will allow them the chance to dress for success with pride and dignity and not have the any strings attached.

My wife is having a "significant" birthday soon. She has told me what she wants and I am probably going to follow through on it. At least I think I am. I mean what if I don't. I know she will not get something she needs, she needs nothing, we make sure that we take care of everyone in the family to the best of our ability. I just wonder if it was something that I had to take care of on my own, something that she just said, "go and get me something, surprise me," just what would I surprise her with? I do have to write in code, she reads this.

I think that gift giving has become a bit of a lost art. Most people will make it part of their grocery shopping, stopping and picking up a gift card to merchant X, because they can't figure out what would be a good gift for that person. I'd rather have the cash. That is what the kids do now for many of the birthday gifts. Cold hard cash. Figure out what to do with it. Makes the kids have to think about how they will handle it. Watch the Seinfeld where they give Elaine cash instead of presents and you'll get a much better understanding of why gift giving matters.

My family, the wife and kids, are hard to shop for. We simply do not need much. We are getting to the point where we want big ticket items because the smaller ones don't seem to fit the bill anymore. I can't imagine shopping for me, I'm a huge pain. I do not want anything other than the happiness of the people around me. My wife got me a membership to the local public radio station this year. It was great, it cleared my guilt, it made me feel the contribution. But what about her? What about the kids? I'm hoping that we have reached the apex of our consumerism for awhile. I'm hoping that the thing that everyone wants is a trip somewhere, an experience somewhere, a long term investment, saving for a first car, or college.

So when October 11th rolls around I'll try to remember to let you know how it all goes. We will see if she got what she wanted or if she got something else. I know for sure that she will not get anything that she needs.

Good Days Indeed

I have absolutely enjoyed my time at work to begin this school year. I can't believe I'm saying that. I can't think of many years where I would have said that in the recent past. I'm sure that there have been times at school that I have enjoyed more than others, but the sheer fact is that I have enjoyed the time I have been at work so far this school year.

Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have not gone to work at all. I miss my time reading and working on the house, its just the mere fact that I have not come home in a snit, or gone to work in a snit, that has made this an exceptional start to the year. I guess this is the true meaning of the grass is always greener on the other side scenario.

I have an anxiety problem. I don't think I've said that here before. It has always been a part of my life, and it has manifested itself in various ways over the years. I have always worried about "things" (in fact it was about everything), and this last year, when I changed jobs, it all came to a head. When I was in my last month as an Assistant Principal, I knew that there was something way worse than just being involved with my work. I was consumed by the thought of failure, the throes of depression and the physical fallout was taking its toll. I was sick to my stomach, exhausted and tense from my shoulders to my rear end.

I was lucky that I knew what was causing the pain. I was lucky that I had the chance to leave. I was lucky that I was able to go to the doctor and get treatment. I am medicated, everyday, in order to deal with the anxiety that I face. I can't imagine what would happen if I was not. I can't imagine a time in my life when I felt this good. It isn't a dull wiped over feeling it is one where I can see and think rationally about the situation and not let it consume me. It allowed me to start this blog, it allowed me to try new things, it allowed me to become a better person.

I knew when I went back to the classroom that I would have some things to change. I'm not as palsy with students anymore. I demand a lot from them (I work with some of the lowest level kids on our campus), and I am willing to experiment and try new things with how I deliver content. I'm not afraid to speak my mind and I'm not afraid to go off and do my own thing. Those things were always concerns but they aren't now. I cannot explain how good that feels.

I did something today that I do not normally do, I told a couple of administrators to come and check out what the kids were doing in class. They always ask but no one ever takes them up on it. It dawned on me that they would probably like the chance to see something that might really help them and their day. I would have never done that in the past. When I say past I mean January. I've been able to experience life the way I imagine others do for most of theirs. I've always been relaxed (at least that was the facade) but now I truly know the meaning of a life where the real things to worry about don't overwhelm you and where the things you worry about don't bring you to a screeching halt.

I am hoping to take this wave and ride it into shore.

Time Shifting

School has been underway for two weeks and I can already feel the difference in what I get done for me. The summer is all about the individual, at least when it comes to teachers and time off, the school year is almost always about service, to students, your kids (if they are students), and as much as you can to yourself.

I've tried to incorporate my blog into my classroom. I'm having my students comment on some of the writing that I do, and will be expanding it into something that they will see as a regular discussion board. It also gives me the opportunity to get some me time. I value what I do on the computer, I like to get in as quickly as I can, get the task done and move on to the fun that I can have with it. I'm hoping that this will bring a new sense to my mission as a teacher as well.

I have been able to keep up on my other wants so far. I was at the Heart Walk this morning out at the old El Toro airbase. It was good to see so many out for a cause that is near and dear to me. My mother-in-law has had a heart attack, my grandmother had multiple strokes and my grandfather died of a massive heart attack. Even though the event was a mess as far as traffic (worse than any sporting event I've ever been to), it was still great to see a thousands get out there and walk to support the cause. It also brings the volunteer T-Shirt total up to 3 (however it is 5 if I count the blood donation shirt and the second, but different, shirt from Light the Night). Service over self I always say.

I also have not seen my family as much. During the summer we saw each other every day, three squares together. Very rarely did we not spend the day together. With school in swing it takes that big chunk of the day out of the equation and we have to value our time together in another manner. I don't like the scenario very much. If I am supposed to raise my kids shouldn't I be given the time to do it? We simply make every moment count, making sure to try to slow down and stop and do the simple things together.

I've noticed that I am not the only one who is going through this shift. On Facebook, my friends who are teachers are in the same boat. We aren't posting our farms, we aren't commenting on quizzes, we are almost a lost tribe. We are part of the grind all over again. I noticed it today when we were out in the stores with all the others that are in the stores at this time. It is the time every one goes but I am not used to seeing this many people when I'm out and about.

The good news is I've learned a lot about how to handle my time as a working stiff. There are ways for me to make sure that I can eke out every second during the working day just so I can gain minutes at home with the family and for me. So If you notice that I'm not on here every day there is a reason. Sometimes I'm just so done at the end of the day that I don't have the time or energy to take the 15 minutes to sit down and do this. When I think about that though it makes me realize that these 15 minutes are important for me. I 'll be there for those 15 minutes, those 15 minutes make things better.

So as we shift toward autumn (at least I hope so for the weather) I'll make sure that as my time shifts I can't let it shift my values.

Time Drain?

I went to my first training for the school year. It was horrible, but not a waste of my time. The good news is that I know how to make better use out of my time when I'm placed in situations like these. I simply start working on the curriculum in front of me (in this case English 1 Intensive--I think it will be a great course) and when that runs out of steam I start drawing my house and the plans I have for it. Today I started on the outlets (I want to go from tan to white and add GFCI 4-plexes in the bathrooms) and mapped the entire house by outlets and switches.

I was able to get something out of the training because I saw the need to get better at what I do. I noticed some of the finer details of the course, refined some of the details that always bug me about the course, and was able to sit back and listen to others complaints knowing that they were not mine. It was not a waste of time because I sat myself down and did these tasks as opposed to sitting there waiting for the big revelation to happen.

I was able to figure out what I need to do with my electrical issues in the house, swapping out the outlets and switches to aluminum rated fixtures (white of course) and only having to pigtail the 2 GFCI's in the bathrooms. I also need to get one of those thingies that helps you map out which outlet is on which circuit breaker so I can get a better idea of where the power is actually going to and coming from so I don't blow a circuit or overflow the entire board.

Did I know that I would get either of these particular things mapped out today? Nope. I thought I would get trained on delivering curriculum (although it isn't particularly difficult to read and follow directions--it is the execution of the directions that will be most telling) but when that did not occur (and I knew it wouldn't in the first 15 minutes of the presentation) it was easy for me to switch gears and do my own things without disturbing the presenter or the others around me. I didn't rustle through papers, didn't get up a lot, didn't use my phone, I just wrote out my ideas and started to envision the plan(s) needed to make this work.

Frequently I will hear teachers bemoan the fact that they do not get training (the better teachers always use the word proper when referring to training) and that it is a waste of their time. "I would have been better off in the class today than losing time here." Well of course you would have been better off in the classroom, it is what you are supposed to do. I left well written plans today, plans that I would have followed myself had I been in the class today. It wasn't a waste of time, it was what you do with the time you are given that counts more.

So when I get back to school tomorrow I will clean up what the sub left me (it should not be too much) and I will continue to teach, not wasting my time or the time of those around me. I've told my students that it really comes down to this, you can work hard each and every minute you are in the classroom and take it easy at home or you can hardly work at school and do nothing but work when you get home. As for me, I'll make sure that I bust my butt every minute I'm there tomorrow so I don't waste my time.

I Read 15 Books!

I got through 15 books this summer. I started at Memorial Day and just finished my last official Summer Read today. I never thought that this was going to happen. I have not read this many books during a year (actually I can't remember reading this many books during the last 3 or 4 years combined) much less during a summer. It was a joy that I found out about all over again.

As a young boy I read all the time, it was about as normal as breathing for me. I didn't have a favorite type of book or genre that I favored, I just liked to read. By the time I entered Junior high and high school I had lost that love of pleasure reading. I didn't have books speak to me the way they had in the past. In fact, even though my degree is in English I didn't enjoy reading the majority of the things I was asked to read. I read them because I had to not because I wanted to.

The same type of burnout happened to me with swimming and water polo. I loved it in my youth but simply cannot stand being in the pool now. I actually will go out of my way to not be in the pool even during the summer. The pool is literally outside my front door and I am glad to say that I have not spent very much time at all in the pool throughout this summer. I do not miss the pool at all, it is nothing like the reading that I have missed all these years.

Some people say that teachers become burnt out during the school year when it comes to reading, it is the work load that keeps them from reading during the school year. I'm not going to fall into that trap this year. I am going to try and read one book a week for the entire school year. The math becomes pretty easy, 1 book a week = 52 books throughout the year. If I really hit my stride I could cover that before the end of this year (I only need to finish 37 more books), but it is not simply the quantity of books that I am looking at.

I still do not fall into any particular category when it comes to what I read. I read a lot of male authors this summer, and covered a range of topics and genres. I used Esquire magazine as a guide (I enjoy the writing in Esquire quite a bit), and started down the path to finding out what reading was all about again. I sat today and read the last 80+ pages of my book, then I picked up my latest copy of Esquire and read it cover to cover while I watched Kylie and her friend Remy out at the pool (I did not go in--in fact I sat in the shade the entire 2 hours).

I understand why some people do not read. They do not have the ability to sit and focus their time and concentrate solely on one thing. They want to get up and go to do something else or they do not have the ability to tune everything else around them out. Krista and Cal can tune everything around them out when they pick up a book. It is both amazing and frustrating because you have to break their concentration in order to make sure that they hear you. I out read Krista this summer (a first for sure) but I'm a distant second to Cal. Cal checks out books that same way my mother does, 15 to 20 at a time, finishing 2 or more a day if he chooses. He leans to sci-fi and fantasy for sure, but he isn't against reading other things as well.

I'm glad that I have unearthed this little gem of reading once again. It has made me a better person because I have sat down to experience the world around me through so many different perspectives and voices. There is something unique about each of the writers yet something that seems to bind them together at the same time. I'm currently out of books and tomorrow is Labor Day so I can't go to the library either. I've got a book on hold and I'm going to check my list to see what's next.

The Purity of Sport

College football is back. It isn't even my favorite sport but I can't get enough of college athletics. There is something still right about it (even though I know that it has many of the same problems as professional sports) that makes me beam inside. For the first official weekend of college football I have watched quite a bit more than I have in years.

On Thursday night I caught part of the Oregon v. Boise State game. It was in Boise, on the blue turf, it was great to watch BSU take it right at the Ducks and stuff down their face. Boise is my favorite college team outside of the alma mater (UCLA). They played the best game of all time in beating Oklahoma (in the top three of least favorite teams even though my grandparents were enormous fans of the Boomer Sooner)in the Fiesta Bowl a few years back. The kids and the coach were willing to do whatever was necessary to win the game. The kids knew that most of them would never even sniff the NFL, that this would be their last game, in some cases, forever. It was fantastic to watch. You could feel the emotion of the players and the crowd, on both sides of the field, coming directly through the television. It was pure, clean and sublime.

I think that we lose a lot when the college kids become pros. There is something about the 'glitz and glamor' of the NBA and NFL (I can't really speak too much of MLB or NHL because they don't usually fill their rosters with college kids AND in college baseball and hockey are small potatoes) that rubs all of the love of the game right out of the players. You can tell it is all about business at that level. They play with world class intensity but they lack the little kid, they lack the love that got them to the point where they are able to play a kids game for millions upon millions of dollars.

Maybe its the fans that go to the games. The college game is dominated with students and alumni, fans ingrained with their teams, fans who still know that there might really be a 'next season'. I was just watching some of the Washington v. LSU game, and was amazed at the energy in Washington's Husky Stadium. I guess that is the first part that matters, the stadium name. It is not some companies name on the side of the product. UW was 0-12 last year. That is not a typo, 0-12. These kids spent from February through November (that is the real length of the regular season), working at practice, nursing injuries, watching film, breaking down opponents, and all for nought. Turn the page to a new year and they are literally rocking the stadium. The cameras that are connected to the stadium proper are jiggling on almost every play. The fans are completely decked out in purple, it is a cacophony, they are loud when LSU has the ball, hushed when UW is on offense UNTIL the ball is snapped and you can tell they think they are going to bust the next big run. You don't get any of that in today's pro stadiums.

It is that level of sport where there is not money (per se) on the line, but just the opportunity to win on a big stage. It does not exist for youth athletics or high school, it certainly does not exist in the pro ranks. You can just see something in the college ranks (and I mean any college) that makes you remember why people play sports and why people enjoy to watch them.

Just some updates--UCLA a winner (yeah) BYU beat OU by a point in the new Dallas Cowboys stadium (I bet it would have been different in Norman) and at the half LSU (11th ranked) leads UW 17-13 (I bet this will be a close one down to the final gun). I love these games.

Leaving Early

I'm at home. It is 1:28 pm on a Friday and I am at home. I left work early to get here. I didn't miss a class, I don't have any classes after lunch. I'm giddy with excitement over the fact that I'm not at work right now. I have everything there under control and ready to roll. I have worked well to prepare good lessons, well prepared lessons, things that I know kids need lessons. I'm taking this time and I am going to enjoy it.

It is such a guilty pleasure to be in this situation. I have never been one to ask for very much from my school when it comes to my teaching schedule. I've pretty much been a wherever you need me kind of guy. This year was no different except I was able to get a really sweet gig. I ended up with classes I wanted as well as this glorious early weekend starter. I probably shouldn't even be writing this because there are teachers at my school who read this. I know that they will take an extra period now and then when they can as well.

It isn't like I'm going to do this every single 5th period for the rest of the year. Most of the time I'll be in my room grading papers and making phone calls and doing the teacher stuff that has to be done. I'm a lot more efficient at getting the work done then I ever was before (that is immediate and plain to me), and it is giving me the time to sit back and enjoy a few extra hours to my weekend. On a Friday I'm usually ready to be in bed and asleep by 8:00, these extra 2 hours will really make no difference in that at all. It will just give me a couple of hours to sit and decompress while my own kids are still in school. It will just make me a happier person. 2 hours is easily worth all of that.

So I'm going to go an sit on the couch and read my book with the A/C and fan combo we have going (since it is still intolerably hot), a glass of ice water and not a thought of school in my head. It feels pretty good to be home early every once in awhile.

First day jitters--I think not

They came back today. They oozed out of bed and moved into rooms and desks at hours they are certainly not use to. They checked their schedules with friends and made up schemes to try and get themselves into each others classes. They listened to a lot of rules that they already know (but sometimes do not follow). Some of them were really happy to be back and some of them were ready to ditch already.

I had 9th graders today. This is their first experience in high school. Some of them trying to prove themselves that they are more important then the class or someone else or the school itself. They are 13 and 14 years old who really still can only tell their right from their left if it is printed on their shoes (for them to see of course). They are just very immature and do not know how to seek maturity.

I was glad they were in my class today. It meant that I had a class to be in. All of my colleagues commented on the big smile I had on my face all day and said that it just wasn't fair, no one should be that happy on the first day of school. I was. For the first time in years I slept the night before without a problem, I didn't think about school at all. I knew what I needed to do in each class, I knew what else I needed to do while I was at school, I knew all I needed to know. It was a great feeling. I wasn't so booked that I couldn't make necessary changes in planning and I wasn't so behind that I only had today planned. It was great.

The kids were kids. I've been reminded by so many of the first teenagers that I taught 15 years ago that they have turned out just fine. In fact, they just put on a reunion, 10 years away from the nest (they are Nighthawks), and they commented on the fact that I was a teacher that they remembered so well (former students makeup the majority of my Facebook friends). I could feel the pride swell as I hung pictures on my classroom walls of students past. It was great to look at the faces and see just why I am in this business.

My son will be a teenager in January. He is a good kid, he makes kid mistakes, he learns from them (which is really the point). I know that he will never be the typical teenager, he isn't the typical anything and I like that. I know we have a very important choice to make about where he will attend school in 9th grade. I know that he will be successful no matter where he goes.

I like the fact that a lot of the faces I saw today got the point. They seemed like they were eager (not one tardy) and they seemed to be prepared for learning and working to learn. I'm hoping that they will sustain the momentum needed to make it through the whole year. I think that it is going to be one of the years, one of the years that will make all the difference in the world.

Paying Back Debts

I've always been a firm believer in paying off the people, not companies, you owe as soon as you can. A lot of things just work themselves out, a lunch here for a lunch there, but sometimes you lean on someone, usually a good friend, when you just don't have the cash with you. As a man I know I am always supposed to carry the 'emergency check', but I didn't have one for this particular episode.

It was right before Christmas last year. I was still working as an Assistant Principal at Huntington Beach HS and the administrative team had gone to good lengths to make sure a nice present was in everybody's (and I do mean everybody) hands before winter break. My principal at the time had ordered everything on her credit card and told us to pay her back when we could. I assumed that was going to be right after coming back from break but something happened.

One of the somethings was a fellow administrator was pregnant and due in the early spring. We wanted to make sure she had a good send off well prior to the craziness that goes on with school and gave her an early 'shower'. Once again, my principal at the time ordered everything and told us to pay her when we could. I still hadn't paid for the last debt at Christmas and now I had something more to pay. I was in shock over my predicament.

I just don't like to be in debt to people that I know. I learned long ago to not ask for money from anybody unless it was an absolute emergency that you just couldn't work out of. I can't think of more then 5 times in my entire life where I actually owed someone money. This was one of those times. My principal did not care about the money and made a fact in telling me so when I talked to her about it. It was not the only debt that I owed this person.

My principal was the first person to find out that I was thinking of, or I should say decided on, getting out of administration and moving back to the classroom. She was the one that I talked to about what was going on professionally, she was the one I talked to about the toll it was taking on me. I knew that she would give me two things, comfort and conscience. She knew what it was like to be in that situation of just dreading what was to come next. She told me that she did not see that in me and that the quality of the work getting down was excellent. She told me that she felt a very palpable change on campus because of the work I was doing.

She also told me to consider all of the things going on in my life with this change. She asked about what my expectations really were in entering administration. What was it that I didn't like? What was it that I couldn't deal with? Would you be willing to go back to the classroom? I remember clearly, "Chris, you aren't married to the job. You can always return to the classroom." It was the first time that I had heard someone else say it (besides Krista who always told me I support you no matter what). It resonated. It made my heart beat with anticipation.

A string of events led me back to a place of comfort much quicker then I ever imagined. At the semester change I went from being at Huntington to being back at Ocean View. It happened because my principal at the time made the calls to set the wheels in motion. It was my principal who saw me as a person first, and not just a warm body who occupied an office, that gave me the pick to start digging toward the light.

The problem was I still hadn't paid her. I owed her money, enough that you usually ask about it (not that she ever has). I went through the rest of the semester at Ocean View regaining my vigor, regaining my life. I sent a thank you note but that was it. I tried to cut ties with the school as much as I could just so I could keep my momentum going in the right direction. I didn't think about the debt until the other day when school started.

I went to the bank today and got the cash necessary for the payment of the debt. I wrote a note and I'll drop it in the mail tomorrow. There is nothing that I will ever be able to say or do to thank her for the career she gave back to me. For the life that she gave back to me. The fact that even though I had identified what was going on that she was instrumental in making sure I got on the fast track to recovery.

Thanks Janie. I hope you have another terrific year.

Back to Work

Teachers experience a strange phenomenon each year. We hurry and rush to put away everything and leave for vacation at the end of the year (I have never been one to come back during the summer) and then we spend 8-10 weeks on vacation only to have it come to a crashing halt in late August (where I work). The first day is one of meetings and greetings, unpacking and unloading, and the opportunity to say "this is the year I'll . . ." all over again.

I really like the people I work with. I may not always agree with them, I may not always think that they are getting things done the way I would, but they are all really good people. I do not hang out with them very much after school hours (I have kids and they are who I belong with), but I could. A lot of them are people that I could just simply call good friends. They would be there to help me in an instant, and I would be there for them as well.

Our Athletic Director, a great friend, just got married last year, bought a house this summer, and he and the wife are thinking about having kids right away. I'll help him move. I'll go volunteer at the MS Bike 150 because his mom is afflicted, I know that he is someone that will always go the extra mile and always do the right thing. Tim was one of the first people I met at Ocean View, we were teaching the same class for the first time and we needed to figure it out. It helped that we held so many common interests. He is a great guy.

There are many others--Shane (shame), Jimmy, Jim, Jeneane, Alison, Heather, Casey, Tim B., Julie, I could go on but the list would just keep growing. These people make each and every day at work a joy. They always will lift you up, they always know where you are coming from, they always know how to make things more fun. I'm lucky. I've worked in places where that is not the case. I've worked in places that you didn't know who you could, or should, count on. That is not the case at OVHS. It has always been my favorite school, of the four I've been at.

When I got to work today it felt good. When I listened to out new principal, I felt good. When I was left to take care of my classroom it made me feel good. I saw a lot of happy people today. I found a lot of people who are ready to go this school year. I know that I am ultimately in control of my own happiness, however it is great to go to work and know that I will be greeted with smiles and laughs and stories to carry me through all 183 school days.

I'm glad that I'm unpacked. I know that I'll be able to pack away a number of stories from such a great group of friends. I also can't wait to pack up and be done for another year.

Karma

I'm a big believer in Karma, or at least the western idea of what Karma is. I've never studied Karma so I do not have an exact definition, hold on while I open another tab and get a definition. Thanks for waiting. Buddhanet.net gives the following definition, ". . . from a Buddhist point of view, our present mental, moral intellectual and temperamental differences are, for the most part, due to our own actions and tendencies, both past and present." In other words folks, if do good deeds you will be repaid with good deeds and vice versa.

I'm not sure why I believe in Karma. My guess is that more truly nice people are Karma-addicts then those who aren't so nice. I guess I like the idea that someday I get "paid" for the nice things I've done for people over the course of a lifetime. The fact is I don't need a payoff to do nice things (except the t-shirt for the volunteer things), I just want to help those who need it.

Case in point, the other day I was at IKEA, loading up another project for the house (it looks great by the way), when I noticed an older couple who were waiting for the dock guy to get all the way down to them and help them get the load into their truck. There was no way they were going to be able to get this load into the bed of the truck. It was a bed frame and mattress. She was in her early 50s and her father was in his 70s and walked with a cane. It wasn't going to happen for them. I loaded up my truck (5 minutes) and walked down to ask them if they needed help. Anyone of the 10 to 15 people who were loading up could have done the same thing. I decided they had better things to do then sit in the IKEA parking lot hoping that someone would get to them. They were grateful, a little shocked, but happy to be on their way.

I can't spend my time not helping out. It just seems silly not trying to brighten the day of people, including yourself. For people who have known me for a great length of time they understand that I'm a helper but they also know that I'm a sarcastic cynic who can also look at the 'other side' and play 'devil's advocate' just because it is in my nature. I'm tired of that nature. I do not want to be the 'and/or' guy any more. I want to be, and am trying to become, the 'and' guy. This and that. Hopefully through good acts it will all work out.

So if you are in need of an extra set of hands for your volunteer event, or stuck in the lot at IKEA, if I'm around I'll help. Karma says so.

Career Choices

I never intended on being a teacher. Not once. Was never on my radar. I was good at it in high school, middle school, elementary school, I'm starting to see a pattern. I seem to be good at explaining things in multiple ways to people. I seem to be good at letting people know that I truly do care about what they become. I seem to be good at commanding an audience. I never knew any of that when I was looking at careers.

I wanted to be on Sportscenter. I saw the very first one back in 1979. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. An entire network dedicated to reporting and talking about the things I loved best. I was a little more then a casual fan even at that age. I could tell you all of the Oakland Raiders by position and give you statistics on most. I could tell you who was in playoff contention in all of the major sports, I could tell you which college teams were likely to win it all (although I did not have Indiana St. with Larry Bird on my radar), in short, I could do it all when it came to sports. I was 9.

Throughout high school I knew that I was going to make it. I had a good voice for it, I had good timing, I could read a lot plays in a lot of sports, but I had no idea on how to make a go of it. None of my teachers asked. No one asked my into the counseling office to ask. I didn't know who to ask. I did some announcing for our basketball team. I did some voiceover work for the various sports and our TV Production class (the teacher would later tell me he had never seen /heard someone with such a sense of timing at that age--a lot of good that did me). But no plan. I figured you filled out an application and sent it in.

College life was even worse. In the higher education system there was no emphasis on getting to job. I met with two counselors (one at Delta and one at UCLA) who did nothing more then check to make sure that I took the right classes to transfer and the right classes to earn a degree. There was never any talk about a job much less a career. If you wanted something to happen you had to make it happen on your own. You had to have the nerve, the spine, the cajones, to go out and 'Just Do It'. That wasn't me. Outside of my time at Delta, which I knew was a pit-stop, I never worked particularly hard in any class. I think my final transcript from UCLA is every range of 'B' grade work you could ever imagine.

I fell into teaching. I was engaged and couldn't stand the people I worked with at ALLSPORT. I thought ALLSPORT was my break. A sports photography studio/sales team that worked with just about every magazine in the world. The chance to go to every major sporting event in the world was literally possible. I couldn't stand the people I worked with. I had no one who would give me directions. I had no clue what to do. I had never held a 'real' job, I had always been around books (thanks you library systems), so I had no idea what any of this was about. I was never good at asking for help, so I didn't.

I watched my soon to be wife go through her credential program. It seemed easy. It seemed like something I could do. It had so many upsides, steady work, a lot of time off, everyone needs a teacher, what was there not to like. I knew how to deal with people, especially teenagers, so why not? I became a teacher because it seemed like the right thing to do. I wasn't afraid of it at any time. My master teacher told me that he would watch me the first few days just to make sure, and he said he would be around the building if something came up. I didn't see him again after the first five minutes of the first class. He told me at the end of the day that he would be wasting his time, and mine, if he were to try to give any advice at this time.

I've tried to leave teaching. I've seriously tried on three separate occasions. Resumes, interviews, even job offers. I even took a job as an Assistant Principal because I thought I was ready to move beyond the classroom. I was wrong. I went back to my classroom (it is not mine quite yet, I've got some work to do to make it all mine) yesterday to drop some things off and get ready for the upcoming year. I had no idea how any of it was going to make me feel. I didn't know if there would be any fear, any remorse, any what ifs. It was cathartic. It was as if the room knew I was supposed to be there.

I never really made an informed decision when it came to my career. I know now that I never really had to.

Tolerate, I Don't Want to Tolerate

It is hot. Today it was 95. Yesterday it was 91. Tomorrow is more of the same. I don't like it. I like to bathed in a comfortable atmosphere that allows me to not concern myself with the conditions. I don't mind the cold, rain doesn't bother me, but don't make me too hot. It is funny after growing up in the Central Valley of California where 100+ degrees can be the norm, that I can no longer deal with it once it gets up to 85.

My house does not have air conditioning. A large number of houses in Orange County, southern California really, do not have A/C. I live 4 miles from the beach in two separate directions. I should not need A/C. 355 out of 365 days a year I do not need it at all. It is those 10 days that I remember each and every year. Those 10 days that drive me crazy.

I went to Lowe's last night and purchased a portable A/C unit. In fact, I bought 2. I'm only using 1 of them at the moment, the nighttime temperature has been low enough to get the fans in the windows and get the fresh air in. This A/C unit has provided a nice little oasis in the house. It has given us a room to sit in and be comfortable during the day. We only need it for the next few days since we will be back at school next week (where even though we have had to cut everything else in the budget, we have not had to cut A/C yet). The wife and kids are watching a movie as the sunset happens, as I write, and as the rest of the world starts to cool off.

It is funny how the idea of tolerance works for people. For me it isn't about simply putting up with someone or something, it is the ability to actual live with that someone or something without wanting to tear them/it to shreds. I have come to the point in my life where I no longer will simply tolerate whatever it is around me. This has been part of my change, part of my growth, part of my new beginning.

When I went into work today, for the first time since summer started and the first time as a teacher NOT an administrator, I knew that I couldn't just tolerate what went on any more. If I need something, I'm going to get it. If I think a student can do more I will not tolerate them not doing more. It is not about confrontation it is about not settling for the mediocrity that so often comes with tolerance. I know better then to settle. I don't want to settle, I want what I believe is the best for me, my family and the jobs I must undertake each and every day.

Don't tolerate. Don't settle. Don't allow yourself to be in the easy rut that some of us dig and never get out of.

The End of Summer?

Cal said he was ready to go back to school today. He is a 7th grader this year and he has had his fill of laying around playing video games, reading (at least 100 books this summer), and hanging out with friends. He is simply ready to call it done. Kylie is not much better. Even though she has spent most of the summer with her best friend Melinda (they have played together at least two days a week), she too is ready to go back (3rd grade is exciting). That leaves Krista and myself. We are parents, breadwinners, homemakers. There is no such thing in our world as too much summer.

The end of summer is always an interesting time. You try to cram in one last trip or get yourself that one last goody, finish that one last book, you just want to go out with a bang. I'm never ready for the end of summer as I have never had a job that required me to be a full time worker during that time. Most of my life has centered around the summer. At one time I actually thought that I needed to have a job to keep myself busy during the summer. I'm glad that I've gotten over that. I'm glad that I have found things to keep myself satisfied.

I can't help but think that what life would be if I would have continued down the path I was on. My focus was so different just a few months ago. My life has gone through such a massive shift from constant cynic and worry wort to optimist and thinker (not obsessor). It took a point in my life where I didn't know if I could make it to and from work. It took a situation where I could not work with the people I was directly in charge of. It took a situation where I had to look at the way I wanted to live the rest of my life. It didn't take long once I took a look at my family picture and saw the faces of those who matter most.

We often talk about being able to spend time with our families and then coming up with 1001 things to do when the time permits us to be with our family. I've spent a lot of time with my family. I've been able to enjoy time with them as a group and as individuals. I've been able to talk to all of them about what they really want to do in the future and they have been able to watch the change in me take place. It has simply been an amazing summer.

Summer is ending because we all have to go back to school. What has taken place this summer with my family will never end. It is one of those events that you absolutely know has made a change in your life that you will be able to point at forever. It was the time when I started figuring out who I am, what is really important and what is not. I'm a better person now then when I started off this year. I'm looking forward to school because I have a very clear plan of what to do and when to do it. It isn't often that this takes place, but I sure am glad that it happened this summer.

To Do List--Still?

I have been able to get so many things done this summer simply because I tried. I learned how to put up insulation and drywall. I played with stucco. I painted. I decorated. I hired the right contractor for the job (not the cheapest). I still have 5 days until I'm officially back at work and I could, no make that will, get some more things off 'the list'. But why oh why does the list still exist?

The list is there to remind me to keep moving forward. The list is my way of learning more about myself and more about the way I can grow. Much as writing has become something that gets my thoughts out of my head and on to something else, the list makes me think and move forward. I love the list because I am excited to get to the next task.

I spend the time in between projects, like today, looking and planning for the next one. I'm pretty sure I'm going after the kids bathroom next. It will take a week and will be so impressive afterwards that no one will recognize it. Once that is done I'll hit up the whole house fan that is on order. I really need the weather to cooperate (not like it hasn't been a very temperate one to begin with) so that I can get into the attic spaces and insulate. Then comes the big one--painting the house.

A few people have asked me why I choose to do these things instead of hiring someone. I want to do these things. I want to have control over all of it. I want to be able to determine the way something looks because I say so, not because some contractor or designer comes in and says it has to be this or that. It is much like what my wife has done with the skating apparel, she makes it now because she knows she can and she knows she can do it the way she wants. In the end it is a money saver (after you hit the payoff time) but it isn't always about the money. It is about the desire to learn how to do it for yourself that really matters the most.

School is looming around the corner. I'm not upset I'm going back to work, I'm disappointed that I don't get to spend the additional time I want working on the list I've created for the house. The list that I get to take care of, and whittle away or add to, but the list is something that I will never forget or walk away from.

12 Days

Its been 12 days since my last post. It is almost like I forgot how to write. You get into a pattern with habits, I've been told 21 consecutive times is the magic number for the habit to stick, and sometimes with new habits (diets and working out especially) it is hard to maintain them. I'm back to writing, 5 times a week (more if I have it in me), just as school comes around the corner.

Over the last 12 days I have done the following:

Cleared out my Grandmother's apartment

Gone to my Grandmother's Memorial

Put together a new sewing machine setup for Krista in our bedroom

Moved the computer to the kitchen/office area

Donated a sideboard

Moved cookbooks and china to the pantry shelves

Gone to Goodwill (I think 8 times counting the trips for Grandma's)

Put together a new entertainment cabinet

Installed 2 new tv's

Installed 1 home theater system

Hung new curtain rods and drapes

Bought new linens

Finished the outside stucco repairs

Repainted the little holes all over

Had the modem moved

Had the asbestos ducting taken out

Had a new water heater and furnace installed

Volunteered at 2 events

Signed up to teach online classes

And did all of the other things that go along with being a parent and member of society.

I guess I've been busy.

It isn't about the busy. It is about the rebirth of my soul. All of these things are about me being better. They are things that matter to me when it comes to the building, the fixing, the making it work. It isn't about the stuff, in fact there has been more going out then coming in. I have become comfortable with getting to be able to do for myself what I didn't think I was going to be able to do for myself. It has been a long time in the making.

I don't have a traditional spiritual center. I'm not a member of one particular religion. I believe that it is important to find what it is that makes you work that makes that spirituality work. I have finally figured out that I like to see things put together. I like to see things work. I like the simple and elegant. I like the fact that my kids know right from wrong, and take the right path almost all of the time. I know that kindness works, that it is okay to help a total stranger, that it is better to give then receive, and that in the end you will be paid back for your good deeds in ways you never imagined.

These are not revelations. These are not new ideas. These are ideas that I have been able to finally identify as being cornerstones in my life. These are the things that matter and these are the things that I know will make my life and the lives of those around me much more complete.

While I've been off from writing I've had a couple of people ask when I was going to write again. It is a great feeling to know that some of you out there read this. I'm glad. My 12 days are up and I'm back at the keyboard again.

Stories of My Father and Brother and Brother and . . .

My dad is a talker. That is an understatement. Any one who has ever met my father has heard a story from him. He has never met a stranger, he has never not had something to say. The reality is my brothers are all the same. We all have something to say and we usually say it. I am the quiet one, although my friends at work would tell you different.

I'm writing this entry as my father and oldest brother are telling stories about everything. Yosemite, traveling, books, wine, you name it it will be talked about. There are mini-arguments on the way, "it went was on the way to . . .", "if you say so, I'm not going to get in an argument on this", it is part of the segue of the conversation. It allows them to move from topic to topic without having to depend on the events of the day or news or gossip. The conversations have been said before but allow each person an opportunity to relive that memory one more time.

We have currently moved from traveling in the south to two sets of books that were in this house for ever. The American Heritage and Great Books of the World, or something like that. It is the walk of nostalgia that I think is much more important then having the nostalgia itself. This is the importance of the living memory. It is the exchange of the information, it is the exchange of the laughter, the nuance, the remembering of the details.

We have moved from the books into what we should put on the floor. It was a quick segue, abrupt, it caused a rift. We are working back towards the story that we have been working on, what to do with my parents and the amount of stuff in the house and what should stay or go. This is the constant story that has been going on over the last few weeks (or years). We are working on this story on a regular basis. It isn't as enjoyable as the stories of the past.

My brothers are all in sales, of one type or another so it is in their nature to tell stories. It is important to be able to tell the story in order to keep the sale on the line. We all have the ability to tell the story that are client want to hear. We read people and find out about them in order to come up with what we really need to hit them with in order to make sure that the story is about them. In fact the story is more important then the sale. The sale puts money in your pocket, but the right story puts even more money in your pocket. It is the ability have people find the common ground, to make them feel as though you are just another part of the family.

The reality is we all tell stories. The stories are incredibly important to who we are as people, it identifies our qualities as people and allows us to relate to one another on a much different level. It does not matter if you hear or tell the story over again, the story is important because it is the connection that binds us together as a society. It is the details from the stories that makes us remember why we did something, or why we went somewhere, or why we trust a certain brand of a certain whatever. It really is about the story.

We are finally back to the story. We have come around full circle again. The story is more important to us because we don't lose the story we just tell it over and over again.

Money Lessons

I can't think of anyone I know who does not worry about their financial health. It is a normal thing to do because much of our lives are spent dealing with money. It could be the acquisition of wealth, paying down of debt or the consumption of items. It is about money. I can't think of too many of us who wouldn't have immediate plans for more money if it came into our lives, and I can't think of too many of us who would love to never have to worry about it ever again.

When I was in high school, and I mean just starting at 14, I knew I had to make some money. I was the youngest, and academically brightest, of 6 kids. There was no such thing as a college fund. I was not going to get a scholarship playing water polo, and I had already learned to not ask my parents for money for anything. If I was going to get something I was going to have to earn it.

My first job was as a truck washer for my brother Kelly. He owned a local courier service and in order to maintain a good corporate image the trucks needed to be clean. I would wash the trucks (I think it was 5 or 6 including a big UHaul type) for $40 bucks. It seemed like a fortune. The work was sporadic in the fall because of water polo tournaments, horrible in the winter because of the weather, and pretty regular in the spring. It wasn't much, but it was money in my pocket.

I moved on to becoming a bus boy at Lyon's with the help of my brother Kurt. I was making minimum wage $3.35/hr (remember those days) and trying to befriend the kitchen staff so that I would not have to use the meal plan at work (if the cooks liked you they would mess up an order for you to eat). I hated cleaning up after people and doing the dishes. The money was better but I just couldn't endure the work. I couldn't figure out how to put it behind me. 6 months later I was gone.

I landed the best job of those early years in the library. I was a page, a book shelver. It was great. I worked 19 hr. weeks during school (which bumped up to full time in college), it started at $5.75/hr (when I left for UCLA I was up to $10/hr), it was air conditioned (a big plus in Stockton summers), and I could tune out all of the things around me. It was a great job. I really enjoyed working there and really enjoyed the people I got to know over the years. When I went to UCLA the first thing I did was go to one of the libraries for a job.

During this time I saved. I saved so I could pay for classes, my car, my insurance, anything that I needed I saved for. I missed a lot of things (at least I thought I did) during those years. I didn't go on a lot of trips to ski or to the lake or river. I had to work. I didn't go out as much at night as some of my friends. I had to work. I knew the meaning of opportunity costs at an earlier age then most. I had to work and I had to save.

I put myself through college. I'm proud of that. I've never missed a payment on anything, ever. I'm proud of that. I've never been in a situation where there was not some type of fallback position available if money got really tight (and it did). I learned the lessons associated with money and hard work. I also hated the fact that there were always choices to be made.

I think about money today as well. I don't think about it as much as I used to. I've come to understand that I will always make sure that there is dinner on the table and a roof over the table and kids in clothes at the table. I also know that money is not the be all or end all of the world as we know it. If I want to be comfortable now I will make that choice knowing that in the future I will also have to make a choice. I still hate the fact that I have to make that choice but in the end I know that everything will work its way out and that I don't have to keep my mind on my money and my money on my mind to make things work.

Art

I'm sure I didn't understand art as I was growing up. I was drawn to certain things, but I didn't understand why. I've been able to really figure out what I like and why I like it as of late. It is a very strong feeling. It is a connection that is hard to explain to those who don't get art. It isn't about the understanding of certain pieces or looking for deeper meaning, it is about understanding what it is that you enjoy and understand about art that makes it work.

I've been to three art festivals so far this year. Comic-Con is a feast for the eyes on many levels. What impressed me the most was each artists ability to pay attention to line and detail. There are so many bits of expression that go into drawing comic book art that it is important that the artist is able to catch the subtleties of the emotions, things like the difference between hate and abhorrence. It is a very difficult craft that only a few really ever make a big name out of. We were able to bring home a couple of sketchbooks by two guys who really impressed me tremendously. Scott Williams, who was the head artist for The Dark Knight, has that ability to draw fluid and clean lines that go well beyond the rest of the crowd. You can feel the energy in his work. The other was an inker (colorist) whose name escapes me at the moment. His ability to discern and mix warm and cool colors to create overall scenes is passionate.

I never would have used these words about art, much less comic book art, even as little as a year ago. I did not have the understanding that I needed to make that connection. To get the pieces to speak to me. It has simply become part of who I am now. I can do more then appreciate art now, I can tell you why I like something and why I don't.

On Sunday we went to two of the Laguna Beach art fairs. Art-A-Fair is for artists of all types. This is art that is geared, mostly, for adults. We saw watercolors, oils, acrylics, photos, sculptures and the like. Landscapes, still life, street scenes, and the eclectic. One particular artist truly inspired me. He created pieces from glass and steel into large Japanese influenced pieces. A mirror he made that depicted bamboo was particularly touching. It wasn't the realism as much as the light that the piece created. It was serene and powerful. It spoke a message that was pure and clean.

The Sawdust Festival is a bit more folksy then Art-A-Fair. You have garden gnomes, toe rings, art glass, jewelry and the like. Another mixed media artist, one fusing wood, glass and steel, really had me hooked. He had created a piece that looked much like a Frank Lloyd Wright House (form and function) and a Monterey Cypress, those found off the coast near Big Sur. It was clean in its lines. Precise. It flowed smoothly from one medium to another with no break in message.

I've arrived at this point in life because I am ready to. I understand that art is important to me because I value certain things about it. I can see the beauty in the symmetry that can be created as well as the daunting challenge that asymmetry can bring to the forefront. I used to be scared of art. I would only comment on those things that landed in the mainstream because they were exactly that. I have finally learned what it is that I like and what it is that speaks to my soul. It is a great feeling to have those things go together for the first time.